The World's Worst School

While watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire again last night, I came to the conclusion that if Hogwarts existed in real life, it would possibly be the worst school ever. Let's look at this objectively. Over the course of the last four years, the students have been subjected to the following:
-an attack by a fully grown Mountain Troll
-conversations with ghosts and inanimate objects like paintings (clearly someone is spiking the pumpkin juice)
-Professors who literally torture their children
-Quidditch, which makes Rugby look like curling.
-A professor hiding a dark wizard in his skull.
-Gigantic snakes scaring the crap out of people.
-Giant man eating spiders.
-a dueling club? sure, some high schools have fencing teams, but they used plastic tipped dueling swords.
-more hallucinations hiding in diaries. Honestly, is there a mushroom patch on the school's grounds?
-lax security replaced with soul eating guards. And people are worried about a UAE company guarding our ports? Try Death Eaters out for size.
-a werewolf for a teacher.
-A headmaster who encourages teenagers fight potential murderers.
-A tournament consisting of 1) fighting fire breathing dragons, 2) holding students underwater and possibly drowning them and 3) an evil bewitched maze that a student died in.

Surely, such a school would be closed, especially in a large Jewish community (Oy!). And yet, in the English countryside, it still prospers.

For shame, England. FOR SHAME!