Unguarded optimism

My personal outlook on life has always fluctuated depending on the circumstances that have surrounded me. This, of course, is hardly surprising and it's likely most of you (and most of the mentally fit world) have had the same experience. But, every now and then, I choose to stick to a particular outlook irrespective of my current circumstances. For example, as a child, I was naively optimistic. This was despite the fact that I was teased consistently throughout my youth and lacked a proper mechanism to respond (my responses usually involved a) crying; b)smacking my antagonist's head into the floor; or c) responding with anger in vastly innappropriate situations (those who've read Red, White and Blue are aware of examples of at least two of the three of these)). As I entered my adolescence, a wave of extreme pessimism dominated my life. And to a certain extent, it was justified as it was probably the most difficult time of my life. I had an extremely limited amount of social outlets, I was extremely confused as to who I was and it seemed like I was in an unending tunnel with no light at the end of it. Again, to those who know me, this is about as revealing a statement as my acknowledging that I am a stocky red headed Jew.

So what about today? Well, as the run-up to my big 3-0 began in earnest last fall, I was certainly feeling less than optimistic. After all, every birthday that ends in zero is obviously a major turning point just like every year ending in zero is. Of course, this is completely arbitrary and really should not affect people like it does. So naturally, I, like many others, let it completely affect me. But recently, as the inevitability of that fateful day has approached, I've been feeling extremely optimistic. This is a relatively recent turn of events and doesn't mean I haven't had my moments now and again. But for once, I've chosen to go with it and ride that wave until reality catches up and knocks me for a loop. Or doesn't. Who knows? Maybe from here on out I will never have another bad experience and life will be perfect. Why not? If GW can be president, why can't I have this?

Now if you'll excuse me, I think a piano is descending towards me at an alarming rate of speed. I think I might need to move...