What the hell's up with the Pineapple?

It's always great when a show you like takes the leap from being a decent show to a show that you think has a great chance to stick around for a long time. And last night's "How I met your Mother" definitely took things to the next level. The premise, the main character Ted having his friends recount his drunken mishaps from the night before which led to Ted waking up with a pineapple on his night table and a girl in his bed, is something you'd think another show would've tried before. I know, Friends did something similar with Chandler and Joey's sister, but that was less about the night and more about the consequences. Anyway, great episode and great cameo by Danica McKellar (Winnie Cooper!)as the girl in Ted's bed. Winnie Cooper and Doogie Howser on one show? Giddyup!

Rent the Movie Review

I spent a good five minutes trying to figure out a clever title to this post, but then realized a cheesy one liner would make me as bad as the people involved in this film. I didn't have huge expectations going into the film since the trailers seemed pretty lame, but I figured I'd give it a chance. The final verdict? The Show is far superior to the Movie. And it's not even close:

1) The show had a greater energy than the movie. Obviously, live theater has this advantage, but the cast just seemed to be going through the motions.

2) The limitations of theater actually helps the story. Whereas scenes where people are singing at each other on stage come off poignant, when place in real environments, they come off lame and contrived.

3) The new leads just couldn't cut the mustard. Rosario Dawson was ok as Mimi, but the original lead was much better. Same for the original Joanne.

4) The songs that came off as silly in the musical were downright painful in the movie. This is most notable with the opener, one of the worst songs ever written.

That being said, there were a fair amount of decent things in the film, most notably Jesse L. Martin as Tom Collins. He was probably the best cast member overall.

A dissapointment to be sure.

Giving Thanks

So every year, the meaning of Thanksgiving gets tossed about and you get some predictable answers about family, friends and the genocide of Native Americans (always a fun topic to discuss while passing stuffing and cranberry sauce). Personally, I'm just thankful to be here. To be alive and to be able to live my life the way that i choose. It isn't a perfect life, but it's a good one and one that I often take for granted while trudging through the routine. The good and bad always seems to end up evening out in the end, with the good outlasting the bad like any good NBA team outlasts the Knicks: eventually, the bad just starts making costly mistakes and gives up. So for all in my life who've helped make it so, I say thank you. And for the person who once told me that "blogs are supposed to be personal, fucker", words on a blog can never express my deepest gratitude to her. This year has trumped the last ten simply for her involvement in it. I hope she knows that.

"Such a long, long time to be gone, and a short time to be there."
-

Sharon quits Likkud

Took me a day to suss out what this whole deal means in terms of both Israel in general and the Mideast conflict as it currently stands. I think the move is one of logistics as much as it is one of Sharon's views shifting toward the left. It was clear that any further moves Sharon had in mind would be blocked by the far right parties and that even those in Likkud wouldn't back him up. So he did the sensible thing and took his ball and started a new game. Now, in terms of Israeli politics, new parties haven't done so well, but this may be the exception that disproves the rule. Or it may blow up in Sharon's face if the Israeli public isn't ready to shift back to the left.

This move will obviously end any peace negotiations (not like there were any save the Rafah deal) until both Israel and the Palestinians have finished their election processes. In any event, all this should make for interesting times in the Middle East

TV viewing habits of a bored lawyer

Not that anyone asked, but here's what I'm regularly viewing these days. Generally, I stick to comedies when it comes to TV and usually loathe reality TV, but there are some exceptions:

Sunday: Simpsons, Family Guy, American Dad, Curb your enthusiasm and The Boondocks. I really did like Rome, but once I missed a few, it was hard to get back into it. I feel about it the same way I feel about Deadwood: good, not great show and not something I'd spend my time on.

Monday: How I met your Mother, WWE Raw. Yes, I still watch wrestling. Yes, Mondays are infinitely more sucky without Arrested Development.

Tuesday: My Name Is Earl, The Office. Scrubs, come back. There's plenty of room for you!

Wednesday: South Park. Nothing on that interests me. Usually a good day to watch the Knicks lose.

Thursday: The Aprentice. Has really gone downhill fast. The winners and losers are so patently obvious, they have to throw curveballs like the four person firing. Pretty big sign of desperation.

Friday: Degrassi, WWE Smackdown. Yes, I still watch Canadian teenage melodramas. Hey, if it's good enough for Kevin Smith, why not me?

Saturday: TNA:Impact, SNL. TNA is a new wrestling group which features alot of the WWE guys from the late 90s and early 20 oughts. Usually, they have some of the better matches you'll see. The wrestlers have no personality to speak of, but neither do most of the people on SNL. Speaking of which, I watch SNL more out of habit than joy.

Friday Night Lights

So, in the need of a good movie to watch, I DVRed Friday Night Lights a few weeks back and just got around to watching it yesterday. Good film all in all and very good sports flick. It's been compared to Varsity Blues and I guess the comparissions are understandable since the subject matter is the same (Texas high school football). However, because it's based on a real story, it does have the advantage of avoiding some of the cheesiness that VB had. It also uses less recognisable actors to avoid the Dawson problem. The conflict and the drama seems alot more real here and even the ending is much more realistic, albeit in a depressing as hell sort of way.

Definitely worth a cable viewing or even a rental.

Family Guy disturb-a-thon

Last night's episode just went above and beyond disturbing on several occasions to the point that it beat out the Scott Tenerman episode of South Park. Peter & Stewie laughing while pushing Lois to her watery grave, Brian's bannana dance and Quagmire's physical demonstration of his conquest were all hysterically wrong. But the coup-de-grace was the Little Shop of Horrors parody with the pedophile old man. Simply one of the most disturbing things I've ever seen and I wonder how many got the reference.

I must now go wash myself for I feel dirty all over again.

Back from O-HI-O

A few thoughts from my second trek to Ohio. Fortunately, I had access to a car all weekend and didn't have to walk two miles to a Wal-Mart for entertainment this time. But I digress:

-Saw the latest Harry Potter film at a midnight screening right near the OSU campus. Suffice it to say, I was the oldest person in the theater by a good few years. It occurred to me that many of the college students there likely began reading Harry Potter when they were 8-10. Now THAT made me feel really old. The film itself was fairly entertaining if not a bit of a let down in terms of the authenticity of the story compared to the book. It seemed a bit rushed (and that's saying something considering the movie was 2+ hours). Definitely worth seeing, but I can't help but feel that the last one was much better.

-For anyone that is looking to patent a good idea, I discovered the perfect solution for shopping weary men: put a bar in all shopping malls right next to departments stores. Fill it with video games and provide patrons with unlimited game cards for set periods of time. Men will never complain about shopping again.

-The OSU-Michigan game was fun to watch amongst OSU alums, but also left me a bit sad that I didn't have the same college sports connection. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade my college experiences for anything. Still, it would've been nice to feel some connection spirit wise to my school.

Who gives a fuck about Colin Cowherd?

"On "The Herd With Colin Cowherd" on ESPN Radio, Cowherd said some rude comments about Eddie Guerrero's passing. He accused Eddie and other wrestlers of steroid use. Cowherd said, "who cares that he died" and that Guerrero's death was not "newsworthy." He also started speculation on the "unknown causes" of his death."

Well, Mr. Cowherd, lots of people seem to care. You can hate wrestling, consider it beneath you and generally scoff at the death of one of its participants. But really, all you're doing is making yourself look like a piece of human shit. Wrestling is enjoyed by millions of people across the world and when one of its most popular wrestlers dies, we mourn it just like sports fans mourn when another athlete dies.

And make no mistake about it: wrestlers are athletes who put their bodies on the line to entertain.

A few ups and downs

On their way up: The Knicks. Back to back road wins, including a defensive record performance against Utah tonight. Again, it's way too early to make an assessment on them, but the last two games show they may be turning a corner. They're making less stupid errors and playing solid D. Sure, they have no legitimate scoring threat, but they're starting to build a base for the future for the first time since the Ewing era ended. So they have that going for them.

On their way down: The Jets. Ugh. Just dreadful play this weekend. Bollinger had less than a hundred passing yards, 4 interceptions and was sacked 3 times. Hey, if you guys are quitting, let us know and we'll stop following you

On its way up: Family Guy and American Dad. Next to My Name is Earl/The Office, the best hour of tv each week. FG is just in the zone with great spoofs (The A Team) and awesome gags. The American Dad Saudi two parter really paid off well and the show is now the second best animated show on Sundays.

Down and almost out: The Simpsons. It's getting depressing. Tea houses? Bikes built for two? i mean, why don't they just make a cartoon like the sanitized Itchy and Scratchy they spoofed early in the show's run? It's running on fumes.

Not sure whether it's heading up, down or in Limbo: SNL. Well, this week's episodes had a few decent sketches (Good Morning Meth, The Falconer) plus the always welcome return of Will Forte's Zell Miller. But overall, something felt missing. And was it me or did Jason Lee seem a bit out of place?

Eddie Guerrero 1967-2005

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20051114/ap_on_en_tv/obit_guerrero;_ylt=AvKAS3YjLNxKzV2dXqW1O_ms0NUE;_ylu=X3oDMTA3b2NibDltBHNlYwM3MTY-

For those who don't follow pro-wrestling, Eddie is probably an unknown entity. His career began after the golden age of wrestling of the 80s and his ascendance to the main event level came a few years after the last big boom. However, he was a big star with WCW, ECW and WWE, holding the WWE title last year for several months including a defense on Wrestlemania XX. Although he wasn't the biggest wrestler, his skills and charisma helped him overcome his size issues and catapaulted him to the top of his profession. It's unclear at this point if his inner demons were responsible for his death, but regardless, this was a sad loss for wrestling and for the Guerrero family. R.I.P. Eddie.

Arrested Development looks to be D.O.A.

Damn you TV viewers!

http://www.nowplayingmag.com/content/view/2606/2/

More SNL alumni thoughts

Sometimes, you get to thinking about the strangest things:

- How did Dana Carvey NOT become a huge star when he left the show? I know, he had a botched surgery and all, but did he blow his entire comedic wad on SNL? He was definitely the top gun on the show during what was arguably the show's peak in terms of cast (him, Miller, Lovitz, Hartman, Myers, Sandler, Rock, Farley, Spade). So he finally makes a comeback and what does he get? A crappy movie that Rob Schneider probably turned down. Meanwhile, Mike Myers is raking in millions hand over fist. Life sucks sometime.

-I think that they should come out with a DVD solely of failed cast members sketches. Think of the star power: Ben Stiller, Damon Wayans, Robert Downey Jr., Janeane Garafolo, Michael McKean, Sarah Silverman, Randy Quaid, Anthony Michael Hall, Gilbert Gottfried, Chris Elliot, Charles Rocket, Rich Hall...it would rock purely on an ironic level.

-Speaking of Quaid and Garafolo, they are my official King and Queen of Unfunny Comedic Actors. Just compeletely wretched, should give up, take the gas line work from those two.

-Jason Lee is hosting SNL this week and this should be interesting to watch and see if he can draw some blood from the unfunny stone that is this show.

Sucking at Adam Sandler's teet

I was watching David Spade's "Showbiz Show" this morning when I started thinking about how sad it was that he and several of his SNL alumni are all basically living off of Adam Sandler's success. To a certain extent, he, Chris Rock and Rob Schneider are all living and dying in Hollywood based on their friendship with Sandler. Rock does this minimally and really could live without Sandler's help. His best work was between 1996 and around 2001, right before he came out with "Down to Earth" and "Head of State." Spade probably wouldn't be such a leech if Farley were still alive and he could be playing Akroyd to Farley's Belushi. His new show is pretty bad and he seems so unhappy that he failed at becoming a movie star and had to revert back to the Hollywood minute type snippiness. As for Schneider, has he done anything since he left SNL without Sandler? I mean, what dirt does he have on Sandler that allows him to keep making shit movies? The more and more I learn about him, the more I hate him. Read Jay Mohr's book and read about his Sushi ritual. Ugh.

Damn you South Park!

Random thoughts for a Thursday..written on a Wednesday

Don't you hate that? It feels like Thursday but its not.

Anyway, a few random thoughts:

-does anti-oxidant just mean it makes you crap?

-Shouldn't there be a law stating that anytime you get into one of those trying to get out of the other person's way situations, and both people are failing miserably to do so, you should a) be forced to start dancing for a minute and/or b) be permitted socially to scream "Get the fuck out of my way" to the other person? Forget balanced budgets and transportation, this should have been on the ballot.

-is recognizing a funny racially involved situation actually racism?

-are there any people left in the world that really consider corn and potatoes vegetables? really?

-Is there anything that compares to the unmitigated joy and sheer patheticness in getting a zing in on someone online? I mean without the ability to see one's reaction, it loses some of the fun. On the other hand, it avoids any sucker punches from the aggrieved party. At least until you see them in public.

-Is blaming the media the 20 oughts (my name for this decade. Use it, pass it along) version blaming racism as the worst cop out an athlete can make when they fuck up? Mr. Owens, I'm looking at you.

-Isn't time they remade "Midnight Madness" using racial, religious, gender and sexual preference stereotypes as the basis for the teams? I mean, imagine gay, wasp, jewish, black and arab teams running around NYC trying to win a scavenger hunt all the while poking fun at each other's differences? Tell me that wouldn't be a great flick

NFL and NBA thoughts

-Manning finally gets over his Foxborough curse and the Colts improve to 8-0. So since the inevitable crash isn't happening there again, is this really Peyton's year? Or is this just a smokescreen to some monumental disappointment still to come?

-Maybe I'm just a bitter Jets fan, but this season has to be one of the most boring season's on record. Not even T.O.'s predictable meltdown and the Viking sex-boat incident can change the fact that this season has been very blah.

-I always love the beginning of the NBA season if for nothing else than the optimism surrounding teams like the Bobcats, Clippers, Warriors and Hornets. You know one or all of them is heading for a fall, you just don't know when. It's like watching Marcus on the Apprentice for nearly six weeks make a jackass out of himself, find a way to survive every time, but still know that his time will come.

-My predicted conference champions? 2-2 and 1-2 respectively. Remind me to stay away from the Sports Book in any and all casinos please.

-The Knicks are now 0-3, have had their high scorers max out at 12 points in the last two games and are averaging more than 20 turnovers a game. Like I said, I think they have twenty games to get their act together before I call this season a wash. But it's looking pretty grim.

Election Day 2005

I hope everyone went out and voted today. I know, it's a crappy election year. I felt like O'Bannon in Dazed n' Confused when I got to the voting booth ("It's election day, there's no fucking national election, no fucking governor's race, the mayoral race is a joke. Where's some freshmen I can beat?"). Still, it's a right many have died for and out of respect for them, it's important to go vote for the many positions you never knew existed. A couple of observations:

-Greatest party line ever: "Rent is too Damn High". This will be topped next year by the "Women be shopping" party.

-Bernard Goetz-as in Subway Shooter Bernie Goetz-was running for a position this year. I was very close to voting for him on the basis of surefire comedy hijinks, but then I realized I'd be voting for everything I opposed. OK, maybe not, but voting for him is kinda creepy.

-Got to meet the Democratic nominee for city council outside my polling station. Nice personal touch which definitely trumps the 200,000,000 phone messages, fliers and assorted other garbage they've been inudating us with. That's all it takes. Save your money, buy a big tub of anti-bacterial gel and press the flesh.

How long till the Jets pick him up?

This is neither a suggestion nor a hope, but rather a sad premonition:

http://www.nbc10.com/sports/5266578/detail.html

"One Crazy Summer"

Having watching the first part of the Cusasckian 80s trilogy (unoffical of course) last week, I figured why not watch the second part this weekend? For those who weren't fortunate enough to watch HBO everyday after school circa 1987-1990, One Crazy Summer finds John Cusack venturing to Nantucket, Massachusetts to find love, fun and frivolity with his good friend George Calamari, played by one of the younger brothers of Bill Murray. This film made up part of the core cable movies of my youth, along with such other classics as "Kidco", "Midnight Madness" and the first four Police Academy movies. It also was a significant step up from Better off Dead and is overall a better, if not more memorable flick, for the following reasons:

-Better supporting cast. Between Murray, Bobcat Goldthwait, Curtis "Booger" Armstrong, Mark Metcalf, Mrs. Feldman from the Police Academy films, the guy who played Sloth in the Goonies, Taylor Negron and Rich Hall, it's a veritable time capsule of 80s comedy.

-Better bad guys. Metcalf and his movie son make quite the gruesome twosome.

-Better love interests. And its not even close. Even if Demi Moore was a few years away from her hotness peak, she and the girl who played Cookie just mop the floor with the dogs from better off dead.

-Better character names: Hoops, Squid Calamari (who says only one line in the whole flick), Egg and Clay Stork, Ak-Ak, Cookie. Just great names.

-Much more quoteable. This may be a point of contention, but Bobcat alone has at least a dozen great ad-libs.

-Finally, the DVD. Granted, I don't own BOD on DVD, but I do own One Crazy Summer. Pretty bare bones release except for the fact that there is a commentary with Savage Steve Holland, Bobcat and Curtis Armstrong. Booger and Bobcat on a commentary? How the hell can you go wrong there?

A whole mess of Sunday animation goodness

Yesterday was probably one of the best nights of TV I've seen in a while (too bad I passed out for half of it. God Bless DVR). The Simpsons was actually pretty decent for a change, as the first two Treehouse segments were pretty good. Granted, an A.I. parody is a pretty dated reference, but you work with what you get. The last segment fell flat and just seemed like an excuse to get all the characters dressed up in a funny manner.

Family Guy had probably the best opening of any show I've seen in years and its a shame that the Simpsons weren't creative enough to think of that first. Homer deserved what he got. The actual episode was pretty good, but it's hard to top a Naked Gun spoof.

American Dad was fun, though there are so many harsher jokes they could've gone for with the Saudi Arabia setting. Maybe part II will amp up the jokes?

Finally, checked out the Boondocks premiere on Adult Swim. I've loved the strip for years, but unfortunately, it just doesn't work as well when expanded to twenty minutes. Still, there's plenty of room for improvement and Uncle Ruckus's song was pretty funny. Worth taking a look at.

"Better Off Dead"

So following the Knicks debacle last night, I needed something to take my mind off the game. Flipping though cable, I found nothing good in the "rewatchable comedy" category. None of my DVDs were calling out to me. So I made a reach for my two bins of VHS cassettes and pulled out the first chapter of the unofficial John Cusack 80s trilogy (Unofficial in that the three movies have nothing to do with each other, Cusack plays a different character in each and the first two (BOD and One Crazy Summer) are written and directed by a different person than the third (Say Anything). Having seen the flick a million times on HBO and the old WPIX Channel 11, it seemed like a suitable movie to drift away to sleep to. Some interesting things I noticed:

1) Cusack's character is quite possibly one of the most unlikeable protagonists in a comedy until he meets up with the French chick. I was almost rooting for him to actually succeed in killing himself at points.

2) Beth, the object of his desire/torment, really isn't that hot. In fact, considering his later love interests (Demi Moore, Ioni Skye, etc.) Cusack is downright slumming it. The French chick is a bit cuter but nothing to write home about.

3) The cast doesn't hold up in the least these days. Beyond Curtis "Booger" Armstrong and the guy who played Porky, there's nary a recogniseable actor still prominent today. The closest one is Ricky (Dan Schneider) who's now a fairly successful TV writer/director for Nickelodeon shows.

4)In the veritable rogue's gallery of 80s tough, Roy Stalin is probably one of the worst (and I don't mean bad meaning good. he sucks). His big insult? Calling Lane Meyer "Oscar Meyer". That's degrading? Humiliating? Billy Zabka would have made Stalin his bitch. Unsurprisingly, this was the actor who played Stalin's only known movie.

5) Totally forgot about one of the funniest lines of the film until it came up. When Lane jumps off the bridge into a garbage truck, the exchange between the two black guys cracked me up. Black/white political humor at its pinnacle.

0-1

So after playing to a dead heat against a less than average Celtic team, the Knicks end up losing their opener in the worst OT loss of all time. That's two years in a row the Knicks set futility records on opening night and we all know how well that worked out last year. To wit, this was the first night of the first season for nearly 3/4 of this team as Knicks, so i'm willing to give it some time (and considering they play 7 of their first ten games on the road, i'll give it 20 games till I make a final assessment). But some initial thoughts:

-Marbury and Curry, as the offensive catalysts of the team, need to shoot better from the line. Both shot dreadfully and had either gotten one more free throw in, the game wouldn't have gone to OT. I know Curry has long been called a "Baby Shaq", but he doesn't have the luxury of suckig so badly from the line.

-Jamal Crawford not starting shocked me only until he actually played and ended up turning the ball over six times. The guy needs to calm the fuck down and play some smarter basketball. If there's one guy I'd say will become trade bait on the team, it's him.

-Trevor Ariza's stunning coast to coast missed jam was just embarassing. Memo to Trevor: if you want to make it to Sportscenter, you need to MAKE the shot.

Just a frustrating game that should have been a W.

Mike, Bobby and "The Monster Mash"

There are really nothing funny I could say that could top this:

http://gorillamask.net/monstermash.shtml

The fact that Jimmy Kimmel convinced these clowns to do this makes me almost want to watch his show.

Beauty pageant, Kung Fu Fighting and more.

-I know I already pimped the "My name Earl"/"The Office" hour, but this week's episodes warrants repeating the praise. Jason Lee is my early season candidate for the Best Actor Emmy and rest of the cast holds up their end perfectly. Jaime Pressley is surprisingly not just another bimbo whose posed naked for Playboy three times. I mean, she is one, but she's pretty funny too.

-As for the Office, any show which finds Steve Carrell engaging in no fooling karate fight is worth multiple viewings. The opening prank was also ridiculously funny. If 40 Year Old Virgin is an indication of Carrell's movie career, this series probably won't last too long, so enjoy it while it's still around.

-Opening night for the NBA was eventful with two OT games, the Kings (my pick for Western Conference champs) getting killed by the transient Hornets and the Spurs showing that they are even better than last season. I was trying to be cool by picking someone else to win, but when every "expert" thinks they're gonna win it all, perhaps I should've listened.

Matsui-the porn collector

From the Time.com profile:

"Throughout it all, Matsui remained almost unnervingly low-key. He wears no earrings, no rock-star sunglasses, no outlandish hip-hop togs of the type favored by contemporaries like Ichiro. Flash just isn't Matsui's style, even if the conservative Giants hadn't frowned on such outré displays. Instructed to stay in the team dormitory and refrain from dating during the first several years of his career, so as to devote all his concentration solely to baseball, Matsui agreeably complied, without so much as a whimper. Indeed, his only eccentricity, if it can be called that, is his extensive private library of adult videos. His refreshing ability to laugh self-deprecatingly about his porno collection, reporters say, is one reason why fans and even nonfans have taken to him so much. Says former reporter Isao Hirooka: "Hideki just wants to be like ordinary people."

hey, whatever gets you through the night:

http://www.time.com/time/asia/2003/heroes/hideki_matsui.html

My brain's finally starting to function right again

Needless to say, 18 hours or so of travelling done over the course of two days can certainly drain you of your mental faculties. But I've recoverred sufficiently to toss off a few snippets:

-the whole "Top 50 movies" thing is essentially dead. I simply don't have the time or the energy to make smartass comments about 50 movies right now. I think I might just list them in a short form list later this week. But I promise to come up with some meaningless list at some point in the next year to make up for it.

-My optimism for SNL's recovery was quickly thwarted by Saturday's debacle. It's not like the concepts aren't there. The Indigo Girls sketch and Finnesse Mitchell's commentary on Rosa Parks were just begging for some edgy humor. Unfortunately, SNL can't be bothered to take chances, so they both disappointed. I'm not even gonna get into the "Carole" sketch, but suffice it to say, my current feeling towards Horatio Sanz are the antithesis of what they were to Belushi and Farley's sad demises.

-My fantasy B-ball team may score more points than any team in history and may also throw up more bricks as well. Yay!